Getting Over ...

This was originally posted in BOL during my RA (Resident Adviser) time. Just want to share it with you guys. Though, I must admit that I still have a lot of flaws and neophyte in giving advise but I am learning together with as you share your problems with me.

________________________________________________________________________________

        GETTING OVER HIM...




I’ll be turning 17 this January and currently taking up IT and hopes to make it in the IT industry.

I have a case of homosexual unrequited love. He’s straight and I’m gay. I’ve felt like this for about 8 months now, except then it was sort of schoolboy crush, it slowly escalated and is now completely unrealistic in terms of being able to handle the feelings and waves of depression. He knows and completely disregards the fact that I’m attracted to him and now after a 2 weeks break from college, has started to blank me in college and indirectly speak to me instead of talking to me properly. We were at a party a few weeks ago and I saw him flirting with some girls and it was just the most painful thing ever.

The first time I saw him flirting with someone, I went straight home and cried myself to sleep. The image of him with her still burns. Imagine if you, your most beloved boyfriend/girlfriend cheat in front of you and there was absolutely nothing you can do but thinks that’s the way things have to be. Imagine your spine freezing up, your stomach back flipping, stomach acid bubbling up you throat, limbs freezing up and your mind continuously replaying the image in tremendous waves of pain. I need a way out of these feelings because I’m sick of them now. Hopefully a member of this community can help me by giving rational solutions, nothing like “get over him because it’s just not that easy.

Sorry for the over-whelming wall of text.

Adict.

Kuya Nitro said....

One of the hardest things to do in life is letting go of a relationship. No matter what the cause of break up, learning to let go just often isn’t the easy to do whether it’s your first love, a spouse, a boyfriend or girlfriend, or even unrequited love. Regardless of the situation, learning to let go of what’s over is often a very difficult thing to do and the hurt can often last for years if the person won’t break the hold.

Recovering from pain and hurt of a broken relationship is no easy task. When one person is in love, he naturally wants to believe it will last forever. And it’s great when it does but when it doesn’t, the hurt and pain can be devastating. Turning off feeling for someone isn’t like turning off a switch light or a television. When a relationship ends, it doesn’t mean the feelings disappear or go away. If you are letting go of a broken relationship, you know how difficult can be to say goodbye. As difficult as it is, letting go a broken relationship is still something you must do.

In order to let go and live again, the past must be closed. It is impossible to live in the past. You cannot look forward to a future when you live in what was, rather than what’s here and now. What happened is gone and no amount of wanting, wishing, or regret will undo or changed what’s already happened. Being left alone with the feelings of emptiness, loneliness, rejection, grief, anger and even despair something can be overwhelming. Normally, the person might find themselves attempting to contact the other person, making up reasons to be where the person is, SMS or even calling them repeatedly… anything to keep in contact with the other person or have some kind of hold or attachment still with them. While it is natural thing to do this, it usually prevent us being healed of the relationship.

Start by PUTTING CLOSURE on the past, you have to let go of the feeling that you cannot make it without the other person. Trying to contact the person, dependency, guilt, resentment and anger... these must be dealt with and handle under control. When the relationship ends, one or both parties have the mindset that they are a failure. They tend to measure their self worth by whether a relationship lasted or died. One’s self worth does not revolve around another person but rather how they are. When you love yourself, you will learn that your self worth does not revolve around another person but rather is enhanced by the other person.

There are no formulas or magic to heal the pain and hurting of a lost relationship, but there are ways to help you heal. Do not keep clinging to something that you simply cannot change. STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP over the past, it’s done, it’s gone, it’s not changing and never will it come back. No matter who is at fault for the breakup, LEARN TO FORGIVE the other person or yourself. GO OUT ON DATES with others and actually ENJOY YOURSELF. HAVE FUN! And whatever you do, DON’T SPEND THE DATE TALKING ABOUT YOU EX and how much you miss them and want them back. This won’t lead to a second date. Go out and be happy, LEAVE ALL THE WORRIES BEHIND.

Lastly, ALLOW YOURSELF TO HEAL from the breakup. Allow yourself to ENJOY LIFE AGAIN. Let yourself FEEL THE FREEDOM to love again…. Let go of the past and BE HAPPY.