Coming Out...

This was originally posted in BOL during my RA (Resident Adviser) time. Just want to share it with you guys. Though, I must admit that I still have a lot of flaws and neophyte in giving advise but I am learning together with as you share your problems with me.

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So here it is. I’m closeted gay and I haven’t told anyone yet. I’m very likable person. I attract people very easily. Women want me to be their boyfriend (too bad I’m not into them) and men to be their friend. I have a lot of male friends, but not one knows about it and I don’t see them as sex pray, just friends. The thing is that, I’m almost sure if they find out (I’m talking about the guys), they will feel insecure and awkward around me and I will lose them. They make a lot of homophobic joke, but I don’t mind them. I grew up in a pretty conservative country. Would I lose all my friends if I come out? Can anyone share experiences from their coming out in conservative, traditional environment. How did the friends of the same sex react?

EDIT: Wanted to clear some things up. I dated a lot of women, and kinda have a girlfriend right now. I’m just not into them, sexually. Sure I have sex with them sometimes, but it’s just like buying groceries for me. I don’t know whether I’m bisexual or gay, or whatever. I still date women from time to time mainly because of the idea of having my own kids someday.

Thanks for all the great answer, really helpful.

Natural Liar

Kuya Nitro said...

Men who call themselves GAYS are sexually attracted to fall in love with other men. Their sexual feelings towards men are normal and natural for them. Although some gay men may also be attracted to women, they usually say that their feelings for men are stronger and more important to them. However, BISEXUAL MEN have the capacity to love people of either gender. This can include physical, sexual and emotional attraction to and/or relationship with men and women.

Coming out to terms with your sexuality can be very difficult. In fact, the hardest person you may ever have to tell is yourself. Some people might be very receptive, while others might not be able to handle information as well as you hoped they would. Write down a letter so you can explain fully what you want to say. This will also give you and others the time and space to react and come to terms with the initial feeling of shock.

Making the decision to tell others that you are gay can relieve a great deal of stress and unhappiness. It sometimes also builds a great self esteem and helps improve relationship. However, there are also risk associated with coming out and it is important to think carefully about how you would cope with these possible consequences before telling others that you are gay/bi.

There is no best way to come out to friends and family as different approaches are right for different people depending on their situation and relationship with the person they want to tell. Coming out does not mean that you have to tell everybody. You can start by choosing those people who are close to you and whom you think are more likely to react positively. This not only helps you get an idea of how people may react, but often means that you will have someone to support you when you come out to others. Some people may never be able to accept your sexuality and that is something you cannot change and it can be very hard to feel rejected by someone you are close to. Your conversations with them will need time and commitment, so it is best to choose a moment when neither of you will not feel rushed or distracted. Never talked to them when you are tired or emotional because instead of understanding you it may make talking more difficult, things more complicated and lead to people saying things they may otherwise not have said.

Keep in mind that it is not important to let those negative reactions affects or stops you from coming out to others, as we all know everyone will react differently. You may lose some of your friends with your decisions and from there you will learn to know who your true friends are for they will accept you regardless of your sexuality. Always remind yourself why you have decided to come out and remember that being gay/bi doesn’t make you any less person.

Lastly, if you still have doubts with your sexual preferences, ask yourself these questions.

When I dream or fantasize sexually, it is about boys or girls?

Have I ever had a crush or been in love with a boy or a man?

Do I feel different than other guys?

And lastly, which is better singer Mariah Carey or Regine Velasquez?

Then you already know already the answer…